This is a key principle that I have recently put into words after 20+ years of marriage.
I was recently talking with Tyler, my former roommate from college, romanticizing about the spiritual experiences of the past and wishing for more activity of God in my life today. We talked on this line for about an hour, but something he said to me has stuck with me ever since. "You got what you died for."
Tyler shared with me about a church service he attended where Rev. Helm was speaking and the people had a visitation from God in a very remarkable way. If you know anything about moments of spiritual stirrings, or of being thrilled by the Spirit, or of having your own personal revival in a service, then you will understand what I am about to say. A moment like this broke out in that service and when it came and left, Tyler said that Rev. Helm made the statement, "You got what you died for."I know I could bemoan and bewail the glory days of spiritual blessings of my past and continue to wonder if those days were the best days and keep nostalgically hoping that better days are ahead. And to be honest, that is where I am--well, I fluctuate between hope and despair because as I get older I just don't see it happening. I think that is called cynicism, and I know it is a robber in disguise.
After Tyler's brilliant words to me, I added to them some words I read in my Bible app about God's work in our world. In the OT, the author pointed out that God's activity in our lives came through sacrifice. As people would go to the Temple and make sacrifices, this is where they would meet God. What I took away from that devotional thought that day was how much it made sense: If it is true that God enters into my life in areas where I sacrifice, it made more sense of what Jesus said about denying self, dying to self, and giving up my life for His sake rather than trying to keep my life for me. Then the key came to me, "I get what I sacrifice for."
A good Christianity takes sacrifice. This is probably a bad way to say it, but there it is, down on (virtual) paper.
I have been applying this to my marriage, and it works. Marriage takes sacrifice. As I give up myself, die to what makes me single and open up to what being a couple has for me, I find life, peace, joy, and oneness. Sure, I don't always get what I want in the moment, or I'm "not allowed" to spend money for something I want, or I don't get to spend time with whatever agenda I had for myself. But that is what it seems like in the moment. I am finding that as I die to those things, I am rewarded with what I really want--oneness with my wife. Sure, I have betrayed that oneness many times, but the truth of the principle still remains: I get what I sacrifice for.
So, in my adventure to reclaim the glory days that are yet to come (sorry Bruce, they won't pass me by), I seek to apply the same principle to my relationship with Jesus. I have much to work through here because in all honesty, I have been bitter for a long time about this, mad inside and disappointed with God that things are not different for me somehow. Just yesterday, he spoke to me a heavy truth I did not like to hear, "If you never experience anything great again, is not knowing me enough?" It was more than I could bear to hear these words, because the answer should be yes. Should be...
External sacrifices always take an internal sacrifice first. And this is a pretty big one for me.