The author speaks from her experience and for many others including myself. Having worked with those who are in poverty I resonated with much of what Ruby Payne states in this book. She gave verbal expressions to many things I have come across in my own observations. And I would agree with what the subtitle touts, “A must-read for educators, employers, policymakers, and service providers.”
The “Could You Survive?” test really catches your interest and helps you identify where you come from as well as the ‘hidden rules’ other segments of society (poverty, middle class, and wealth) come from. I found her quote, “Most of the students that I have talked to in poverty do not believe they are poor, even when they are on welfare. Most of the wealthy adults I have talked to do not believe they are wealthy; they will usually cite someone who has more than they do” very intriguing (p45). Solomon in Ecclesiastes 4:4, “Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors” (NLT).
It is these hidden rules that Ruby states must be communicated and understood if we are going to make progress in seeing especially those trapped into generational poverty brought out. Her main focus seems to be teaching those I poverty the “hidden rules of the middle class” and if this can be done much would be gained in those in poverty. I wondered if there was more than this and how transferrable this was from society to society but had no argument.
I also found the story of the refrigerator she shared very predictable of those in poverty—the teachers donated one to a needy family who sold it so they could go camping. That’s because the bottom line for those in generational poverty is entertainment and relationships. Not so for the middle class who see work and achievement as the bottom line.
This statement has helped me with my frustration with my students in my school:
“AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE CULTURE AND VALUES OF POVERTY [AND HIDDEN RULES] WILL LESSEN THE ANGER AND FRUSTRATION THAT EDUCATORS MAY PERIODICALLY FEEL WHEN DEALING WITH THESE STUDENTS AND PARENTS.”
And I could see Dr. Payne’s descriptions of those in poverty were playing themselves out in my students as well: STUDENTS IN GENERATIONAL POVERTY GET MAD AND QUIT, DON’T DO HOMEWORK OR ONLY PART OF IT OR HAVE EXCUSE FOR WHY IT’S MISSING, WILL WORK HARD IF THEY LIKE YOU, AGGRESSIVE VERBALLY OR PHYSICALLY, SAY EXACTLY WHAT’S ON THEIR MIND, USE PERSONALITY TO ENTERTAIN, LOVE TO TELL STORIES ABOUT OTHERS, RESPOND TO ADULT (VS. PARENT) VOICE, TALK BACK, DISLIKE AUTHORITY, EXTREMELY PARTICIPATORY.
For we who are ministers, what Ruby states about relationships being so important with helping kids in poverty must be taken to heart:
ONE OF FOUR REASONS FOR LEAVING GENERATIONAL POVERTY
1. A GOAL OR VISION OF SOMETHING THEY WANT TO BE OR HAVE
2. A SITUATION THAT IS SO PAINFUL THAT ANYTHING WOULD BE BETTER
3. SOMEONE WHO “SPONSORS” THEM (EDUCATOR, SPOUSE, MENTOR, ROLE MODEL WHO SHOWS THEM A DIFFERENT WAY OR CONVINCES THEM THAT THEY COULD LIVE DIFFERENTLY
4. A SPECIFIC TALENT OR ABILITY THAT PROVIDES AN OPPORTUNITY FOR THEM
Ruby’s biggest belief and motto is, “IT COSTS NOTHING TO BE AN APPROPRIATE ROLE MODEL.”
AS ONE LOOKS BACK ON A TEACHING CAREER, IT IS THE RELATIONSHIPS ONE REMEMBERS!
THE PRIMARY MOTIVATION FOR SUCCESS IN STUDENTS FROM POVERTY WILL BE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS
YOU ARE NOT TO SAVE THEM, BUT TO
• OFFER A SUPPORT SYSTEM
• BE A ROLE MODEL
• OFFER OPPORTUNITIES TO LEARN
THE CHOICE IS ALWAYS HIS OR HERS
These are great reminders as we seek to minister to those who are in generational poverty. I also found this statement very meaningful and challenging to me in my educating teens:
If the individual has not developed the ability to plan, then…
1. If you can’t plan you cannot predict,
2. If you can’t predict you can’t identify cause and effect, then
3. you can’t identify consequences, then
4. you can’t control impulsivity, then
5. you have an inclination toward criminal behavior.
This final statement is enough to engage our hearts for these kids full throttle. May God help us to not push them to edges and into shadow; may He help us to not create fringes but to be people who are open to see God work in us for their sake's and for future generations.